She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
