It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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