where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A+ Viking dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
