She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
