You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
