A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
