I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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