Welp...herpes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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