goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
