dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
