I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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