it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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