I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
