It's Friday. Sex?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
