We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
