Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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