good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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