'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
