is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
