dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
