I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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