I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
