just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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