Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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