New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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