if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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