Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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