this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize