two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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