You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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