True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
