Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
