I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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