This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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