oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
