Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
