How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
