I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
