So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
