i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
