Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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