Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i love accidental penises.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Randomize