Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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