I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
