come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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