Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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