so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
