My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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