I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
