i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
