It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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