Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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