can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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