Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
