the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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