He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
