I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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