I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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