Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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